Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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