i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
