I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
