Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
