He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
