Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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