i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
