im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
