dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
