Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
