I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
