Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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