I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
