new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
FUCK WHALES
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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