my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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