New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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