i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
