someone owes me an orgasm
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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