I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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