Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
