And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
