thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
