Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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