I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
