Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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