I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
