I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
