Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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