I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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