nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have feelings that need drinking.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
