I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
