I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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