Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
