Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
