I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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