You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
