im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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