and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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