i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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