i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
