My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
