3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
