have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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