Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize