No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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