i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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