Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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