Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
