Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
