You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
