The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
