Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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