The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
