I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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