i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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