im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i've created a new STD.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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