Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
