dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
