Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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