You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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