Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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