I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
