I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
