Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
