I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
