If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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