She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
