I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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