Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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