apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize