I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
